Guttin' a Turducken

One of the Turduckens got hit by a truck. They are pretty dim. They are also friendly (unlike Geese) and funny and not scared of trucks

Albert (blog pending) called us to say 'if you want dead bird, can go get dead bird. Bird dead down dair.'

I set off in the gator (I love to drive) and we picked it up. I say we, I mean Mark picked it up because I was too chicken (the adjective 'turducken' meaning- dumb enough to have a nap under the wheel of a truck).

We took him (technically her) up the hill to the shack. And I jumped in the shower. When I emerged this is what I found:

Josh and Carly guttin the turducken. Who knew Josh was au fait with gutting turduckens? They had already defeathered and beheaded the blighter, now she's hacking off his feet with a machete. You go gurrrl.

Next they pulled out his gizzards, innards, heart, throat and soul. Carly was loving it caveman style.

They put all the crap in a bag and chucked it over a fence for the mongoose to chow on. Josh got a hand up there for good measure.

When it had stopped being a turducken (pretty much when the face came off) it was all supermarket-duck-like (and in a soggy, bloody box), we drove to the beach. We ignored the tropical storm because this island has lots of mini storms and they are usually localised and short lived.  We drove through the storm with Josh and Carly in the back of the truck. As in the actual back, as in getting pissed on tropical style. It was a pretty funny image but I didn't catch it on camera.

We got to a beach where it was still pretty tropical raintastic. Albert set up some fishing rods. They had bait bigger than any fish I would be happy to catch. He was shooting for a 60 pounder. 60 pounds of fish? Whoa dude. He had to swim out past the tidal swell to dump the bait. That alone was an impressive act, those waves were pretty big. He built a shelter out of two trees and a massive tarp, and set up everything for a tropical storm barbecue. Seriously, this guy could give classes on how to be a man. He wouldn't though, it's not manly enough. He'd just send you out with a six pack and a spear and be disappointed in you when you couldn't hack it.

Well crashy. This is normally a sand beach but the storm pulled all the sand into the swell. Albert came back from swimming the bait out and said 'I nearly got drowned out dair'. We all thought 'thank fuck you didn't because not a single one of us would know what to do without you.'

 That big green thing on the left, by the way, is a massive squash. We stopped at a shop for some beer and Albert disappeared across the road, when he got back he swung that beast in the back of the truck. Manly as hell.

 Scenic. That bucket is full of massive hunks of fish belly. It's pissing with rain even though you can't tell in this picture.

Josh got a hand in for good measure. Albert respects him as a MAN even though he often stands with his hands on his hips.

We tried to sit out the rain. We were having a barbecue because it was Carly's last night in town and Albert likes her very much (because she's cool). We hadn't put the tarp shelter over the grill though, so we had to make a fire in the rain.  When the fire was going we chucked the duck in there to burn off the downy feathers that were left over. The worst bit of the whole procedure was when the turducken was good and burnt on the outside (and smelling pretty crispy). Albert took it off the grill and ran it under the tap. He did it because we hadn't washed it out after the guts came out. But watching someone run water through a dead, partially cooked turducken is pretty unsavoury.

We were getting sick of the rain by this point, we were good and drunk but good and damp with it. For the sake of seeing the tale of the turducken to the bitter (crispy) end. We decided to grill the fucker and run.

Because only one person had the foresight to bring a knife (that wasn't a blood stained machete), Mark cut it into little portions and dished it out bit by bit. It was delicious.

We got most of the way through it before the rain eased off enough to call it a window to leave.

We went and had a proper barbecue at Albert's house. I thought it was rude to take pictures of his place but I wish I had because it was a proper man shack. Have you seen Cry Baby? Iggy Pop should have been in this place taken a bath in a metal tub, it is totally awesome.

If you haven't seen Cry Baby, by the way, get yourself on a bit torrent right this second. Then we can talk.

Quack.