Life is beautiful

only joking, I'm not a fucking hippy. Yet.

Life is pretty interesting though, I'll give it that.

Here's some stuff that might amuse you.

There's a spider trying to build a web on the washing line outside our cabin. I would happily have him live there since it might provide some respite from the mosquito army currently using my arms, legs and FACE as their mess hall, but it's impossible to see a spider web in a pitch black night time so most of it has ended up in my hair.

One of my (53 and counting) bites has turned a worrying yellow colour and is hurting much more than the others. Eeep.

While out in the fields of coffee trees, I heard a helluva Mooo from one of the cows. Then I saw Nui, the farm cat, sprinting through a line of trees followed hotly by the mumcow. Nui has the best sense of humour here but he's a bit bite happy as well.

I didn't know how coffee was processed before I came here. I didn't know how it grew either. Isn't that ridiculous? I've been drinking it for nearly 20 years, you'd think I would have had the common curtesy to find out where it came from.  In case you have also neglected to find out, here's the skinny.

It comes from cherries that grow on trees. First you pulp the cherries so all the fruit stuff comes off, then you have a coffee bean wrapped in a little furry jacket. When the jacket has dried it's like paper, that's probably why they call it parchment. They get the parchment off in a big machine that goes brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Then the take the beans and divide them by size. They do that by gently shaking them over air. The big ones are the best beans, the little ones are the least best (still pretty good though). Then they sack 'em up and hand them to the roasters.

Voila, coffee.

We got here just after they harvested the cherries. Disappointing. The trees still need a lot of looking after though, so most days we've been out in the field.  For a couple of days we were chopping down whole rows of trees, we're trying to get rid of a mite that's eating twigs. We were using little hand saws. The trees aren't too old so they're still pretty thin in the trunk. It probably takes about 5 minutes to cut through a whole one, assuming you don't meet a chameleon and stop for a chat (chameleons = FUN). Probably the worst thing about chopping down the trees is the spiders. In fact the worst thing about being in the fields at all is the spiders. The spider's make really amazing webs, it's really thick and strong and massive. I feel kind of guilty, rehousing all those spiders, some of them span a few meters. Some of them have formed whole communities and have village halls and bus networks, it's really impressive, at least until I come along with a big stick, squealing like a twat and obliterating them. It's a shame but you have to get rid of the spiders if you don't want them all over your hair and face.

The one guy here is immune to all the insects now and he spends most of the day with spider webs all over his hair and face. He also has the strange habit of standing right outside the bathroom when you're in it. He also has the ring tone from Trigger Happy TV, and spends quite a lot of time in the bathroom, chatting some deep shit on it. Yesterday when I was in there (and enjoying level 3 privacy because everyone else was sat around the new fire pit) I heard the ring tone and said outloud 'HELLO? NO I'M IN THE TOILET IN HAWAII, NAH IT'S SHIT'. Then I opened the door and he was right there. It's a good job I already used the bathroom. I'm not totally sure I like that guy.

After a few hours of chopping down trees, my face was so red people got worried. It went really hot and puffy too. It looked a bit like I might pop. I took the sympathy as an opportunity to stop working but actually it was probably because it's hard work at high altitude in tropical sun. It's also likely to be because I haven't done any actual exercise for nearly a decade (except for a sit up in San Fran).


I could go on but my screen is crawling with bugs and toilet dude is having crisps right there so I'm going to go and sit in the dark and wish I hadn't shared my smokes.  Life is interesting, and still pretty funny. Here's to it.