True Brit

We went to see True Grit on Friday. It was good. That girl is hardcore...

You know who's not hardcore?

Me. That's who.

We went to a shooting range in Renton, Seattle. We went with a grownup on Valentine's Day. I was nervous when we walked in, because it's a shop full of guns, and there's guns everywhere. Proper ones.

I like to tough talk (in jest). I'd like to be hard. I'd like to say guns are frickin' awesome and people who buy, sell and play with them are frickin' awesome too. I don't think that though. I sort of feel about guns like I feel about cars. I can understand why people are obsessed with them, once in a very rare while I wish I knew a lot about them so I could look and sound cool, but on the whole, the world would be better without these metal bits of fuck off.

We got a .22 to start off with, because I'm a girl, or a beginner, I'm not sure which. A .22 looks like this:


Nice huh? It costs $324.27 and can be shipped anywhere in the USA except Hawaii or Illinois.


We took the gun and our ammo and went through a couple of safety doors on to the lanes proper. The guy showing us the ropes saw my face and offered me ear plugs to go under my ear protectors, I was trying not to cry.

Josh couldn't do anything because when you're trying not to cry, if someone hugs you or asks if you're ok you will definitely cry and he knows that. Thank fuck. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be bursting into tears on a shooting range? VERY.  I was having trouble dealing with the noise. The actual lanes were in a massive metal room so the echo of the bullets was unbelievably loud. I was leaping out of my skin at 1 second intervals.  I pulled my fucking act together and had a go on the .22 though.  You get ten goes per magazine, I got all mine in the middle two circles of the target. Josh got all his almost bullseye. He'd be a good partner in a Western. I looked like this. 

Compared to some of those guns in there it made a noise like an air rifle, it's practically a POP. The kick back was quite pleasant and it wasn't too weighty. The noise of the gun is directly proportional to the size of it. This was the smallest on the range.  While we were playing with this little fella, a bunch of guys came in with a Magnum 500.

Which is the gun on your right, by the way.

It sounded like a fucking BOMB going off. They were taking it in turns and holding each others shoulders so they wouldn't fly backwards. It made our .22 sound like a knock at the door. It made everything in there sound tiny.



The guys with that though, they weren't the really scary ones. For a start they were all grownups, and they showed due reverence to that monster gun. One of them even refused to shoot it because it was too big and insane. The really scary people in there were two boys. Actual boys with bumfluff and spots and issues. Those kids were straight out of Columbine and they were way too gleeful of shooting shit. Out of everyone in there it was them who were picturing women and kids on their targets. Sharing a room with pubescent retards toting guns on Valentine's Day is rattling. Beginner girl or not.

So for the sake of experience we decided to up our number and get something with a bit more meat. Our resident grownup actually inquired about the 500. He made me say no, more than once. I said absolutely no fucking way. I have no desire to break my own face with a gun that was making grown gang members squeal. Instead we went with the Magnum .357.  I was up for that because it's the gun they have in Fear and Loathing, apparently it's also Clint Eastwood's piece but screw that cowboy.

By this stage I had stopped crying and got used to the bang bang bang. I was still edgy about the other people though. But I think that's reasonable, considering they all had massive guns.

A Magnum .357 looks like this:

Shiny like. It costs $934 and weighs 76oz, if you were wondering.  It is quite enjoyable loading a revolver instead of a magazine, the bullets are bulky as hell and when it fires it makes a helluva bang. One guy correctly said 'it's a controlled explosion right in your hand'. It really explodes. The kick back is intense and it was impossible to keep your eyes open, for me anyway, which explains my aim.

Every time you fire your ears ring, and not just your ears, it goes all the way through you, like fireworks or bass lines. I got them all on target, but not on bullseye. Not by a long chalk. Josh got them all in the centre 3. Who's a good boy?

I was so fucking pleased to leave that place. I wanted to enjoy it but I didn't. It took about 2 hours to calm down and have my hearing go back to normal. It was like being mugged. I used to think guns were exciting. But they are violent and loud and stupid. That's what I think now.

I'm glad we went though, ticked that box.