Work gave us a 'personal challenge' to find out more about what makes us 'tick' (one of the perks of my job is a lifetime's supply of inverted commas). The assignment was 'write a life agenda':
I am an A5 antidote to the shit you get in your eyes when you buy a women's magazine.
I am inverted commas.
I am glossier than the glossiest glossy.
I am Champagne for your brain, high heels for your mind and smoky bacon for your eyes.
I am not for silly bitches on a diet, I don't care how you feel about that sentence, I want to make you laugh out loud but never ever write LOL.
I want to kiss you in the ear. I want to rub your cuticles, I like your face.